5000 barrels of oil every 24 hours, probably an underestimate but who cares, is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico right now. This massive tangle of gloppy fingers of black mess is heading to massacre, not just many animals, but many species of animals. Entire populations of beings may be completely annihilated by this man-made disaster. Innocent creatures are fishing for dinner on a placid day unwittingly living a final peaceful evening before unprecedented and extremely painful death oozes over their habitat.
My heart is breaking; I feel the tremendous suffering of my fellow beings. And I grope around the catelogue of ideas and wonder how to employ them in the midst of, literally, impending doom?
Perfection is not another word for ideal. And this holocaust is nowhere near being “through its doing.” (This is in reference to the previous post.) So, how to apply the concepts I wrote just this morning? How does perfection invite my awareness in this situation?
I am reminded of the teaching from the Vedas about the three sources of suffering: adhyatma(subjective misery), adhibhuta(misery produced by other beings like bugs and thieves) and adhidaiva(trouble or misery by global and untouchable agencies, like earthquakes and floods. And I am not clear which type of suffering this is, for surely it has been caused by human beings, not nature. We, I, have taken part in this tragic event against countless fellow beings. To them, it will be like the hurricane to a city on the coast. To them, it will be the hand of an unseen force pressing the life out of their lungs. And they will not have the luxury of a mind that can find a different view through which they can transcend the suffering. They will simply be busy dying. Suffocating and death by poison will be as it is for them. Simple. They will be present to that process of dying without taking last rites or repeating mantras. But can we humans sit by and be casual observers to this? In what ways are we to participate that are authentic? Because we are all in this together, no matter how anesthetized many people on this planet are to our inherent interconnectedness.
While we are in the throes of a horrible happening, compassion is required. A compassion that directly acknowledges the suffering. Assigning blame will not halt the inch by inch, wind and current driven onslaught, nor will clever excuses. The wildlife will be living that death without a bunch of story or explanation of it. Still, life and balance depends on my having a clear sense of autonomy from this thing even while relating to my being Oneness with it. Histrionics or jumping into a codependent role with it will not contribute to a peaceful, timely resolution.
And I wonder, how can I, too, die totally in this moment? Die and be completely, absolutely present to what is unfolding? When I do, I implode into deep sadness. And that experience is not an idea, but it does pass. How can we begin to live as who we truly are and not be forever a millimeter away from the suffering of the world? I don’t think this is just negative thinking. When I feel the tentacles of my being reach into the soul matter of that pain, it is beyond an idea, although writing about it now has reduced it to a concept.
Side-by-side sit the acknowledgment of seeing it as it is and the experience of deep suffering. Ironically, there is liberation in honestly being present to and holding both simultaneously and viewing them without trying to solve anything. For, in this moment, with what may be over 5 million barrels of oil before it is done, there is no solution to what is. And there is great suffering. Story changes neither. Philosophy changes neither. Acceptance of this might be the only avenue to a peace around it. Acceptance and a prayer for hasty perfection, for many of us will lose life before this thing is completely done.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Paradox of Perfection
When I die, I will have lived the perfect life. This has been my claim for decades. What I mean by it is that once the last breath is taken in this body, the life will be concluded, no one else will ever have lived the life I did. In that way, it is the precisely unique and undo-overable, complete life that can forever be only as it is (or was, in this case). Perfection is like a snowflake (made from spring water or acid rain), like a sunset (brilliant from pollution’s haze or cumulus nimbi). To me, perfection has not meant the quality of flawlessness or at the apex of a scale of comparison. Perhaps the only thing imperfect about a thing or event is the thinking about it and the memories of it once passed.
But what of the horrendous events? Being raped, robbed, medically damaged by a surgical mishap, abused by a parent, lied to by a lover? How could any of these things be perfect?
The word “perfect” comes from the Latin per, meaning through, and facere, meaning to do. Perfect means through the doing. Done. Complete. Finished. Having come to a state of possessing all of its parts. If I am to experience abuse, I anticipate the perfection of it, then it has become fully what it is to be and will no longer be in the present. I have only to contend with the remnants of it in my psyche and memory and the ways these influence my view of the present. Ah, confusion thus is born.
How does a thing, tragic or joyous, continue once concluded? How does it miss its perfection by lingering in consciousness? To what extent is this mental continuation a part of reality? In what ways do memories and grasping change the current moment from being as it is and perfect once ended into a perpetuation of something else?
Perfection is an invitation to our awareness. Allowing perfection is, perhaps, to be finished with the influence of a past event. Rather than identifying oneself by it or by clinging to it through fears or by trying to replicate its pleasure or avoiding its pain, experience can be a non-painful and non-coloring source of information in the mind. Memory need not misshape the moment from being anything other than as it is.
So, how can one be empowered? An event, while unfolding, is not yet perfect. Thus, to co-write a happening, we can surely access our thoughts to cultivate awareness of what is occurring. We must do that or be forever relearning how to cross the road and eat with a fork. But it is also possible to be detached from identifying that knowledge as the Self while in the midst of fending off a terrorist or protecting a young one from harm.
To be present is to be clear minded, uninfluenced but informed by previous experience. This is where we can be free of our projections onto our self and onto others. This is where we can realize that a situation is full of possibilities until it is concluded. This is a way to hop off that wheel of karma and scorch some of the sprouting seeds. There is liberation in this.
Being aware while a loved one dies, during a violent physical attack, careening in a car towards a tree, witnessing the first fumbling steps of a child, making love with your partner, having a cheese sandwich, waking up late for work, finding a twenty dollar bill, forgetting where your keys are, finding the perfect gift for a friend, sitting under a tree, composing a song, rubbing ointment on an aching knee, living through extraordinary and ordinary moments is the opportunity to participate fully in your life becoming the perfection it will one day be. One has but to look through clear mind, educated but unmesmerized by it.
But what of the horrendous events? Being raped, robbed, medically damaged by a surgical mishap, abused by a parent, lied to by a lover? How could any of these things be perfect?
The word “perfect” comes from the Latin per, meaning through, and facere, meaning to do. Perfect means through the doing. Done. Complete. Finished. Having come to a state of possessing all of its parts. If I am to experience abuse, I anticipate the perfection of it, then it has become fully what it is to be and will no longer be in the present. I have only to contend with the remnants of it in my psyche and memory and the ways these influence my view of the present. Ah, confusion thus is born.
How does a thing, tragic or joyous, continue once concluded? How does it miss its perfection by lingering in consciousness? To what extent is this mental continuation a part of reality? In what ways do memories and grasping change the current moment from being as it is and perfect once ended into a perpetuation of something else?
Perfection is an invitation to our awareness. Allowing perfection is, perhaps, to be finished with the influence of a past event. Rather than identifying oneself by it or by clinging to it through fears or by trying to replicate its pleasure or avoiding its pain, experience can be a non-painful and non-coloring source of information in the mind. Memory need not misshape the moment from being anything other than as it is.
So, how can one be empowered? An event, while unfolding, is not yet perfect. Thus, to co-write a happening, we can surely access our thoughts to cultivate awareness of what is occurring. We must do that or be forever relearning how to cross the road and eat with a fork. But it is also possible to be detached from identifying that knowledge as the Self while in the midst of fending off a terrorist or protecting a young one from harm.
To be present is to be clear minded, uninfluenced but informed by previous experience. This is where we can be free of our projections onto our self and onto others. This is where we can realize that a situation is full of possibilities until it is concluded. This is a way to hop off that wheel of karma and scorch some of the sprouting seeds. There is liberation in this.
Being aware while a loved one dies, during a violent physical attack, careening in a car towards a tree, witnessing the first fumbling steps of a child, making love with your partner, having a cheese sandwich, waking up late for work, finding a twenty dollar bill, forgetting where your keys are, finding the perfect gift for a friend, sitting under a tree, composing a song, rubbing ointment on an aching knee, living through extraordinary and ordinary moments is the opportunity to participate fully in your life becoming the perfection it will one day be. One has but to look through clear mind, educated but unmesmerized by it.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Suffering, Perfection and The Mind You Live In
1. There is suffering.
2. There is a cause for suffering. (attachment, avidya...)
3. There is a way out of suffering.
4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering.
Four noble truths. I find modern day spiritual stuff and lofty interpretations of yogic concepts like vairagya (dispassion) seem to downplay, ignore, villainize the human experience of suffering. Lovely beliefs around everything being perfect and all that seem to cut the head off of the human experience of pain, living with mind that does what it does.... as well as seeing things correctly, it misperceives, it fantasizes, it has memory and it sleeps. That can lead to some painful moments. (Non-painful ones, too) Even if everything is perfectly as it is, there can be great suffering! Perfection or unfolding or moments that unwind to bring you to here and now don't negate that!
Sometimes things suck. To be honest and awake in the process of the suffering, to me, is holy work. Be present to the suffering, not wallowing in the stories that perpetuate it; but, go deeper and deeper into the root causes of it, until we have gone far enough for the time, to dwell there until ready to go deeper... Whatever the case, here we are, and of how much each day are we actually aware and present to where we really are?
Navigating the illusions we and others create with thought is challenging. But, I do know how much I believe to be true the world I have created with them. I am attached to the world I create and I can no easier relent the belief that makes it than I can stop breathing. Like, I am attached to the belief that I need to sleep, eat and get sunshine. That is some of the way I am still identified with body. I am not ready to give that up. I am certainly going to breathe, eat and sleep until I am! And no one else can do it for me! No one can treat me a specific way, tell me a profound concept or do it so perfectly themselves that I am absolved from the need to do it myself! If someone explains that I am not the body and do not need to eat, their explanation better be loaded with calories! Being enlightened or awake doesn't mean thoughts and beliefs stop "doing" what they do.
I am navigating other people's head of ideas and views of things all the time. Sometimes I am sitting in the same car with one particular friend riding around on totally different planets. Sometimes, due to his stories that include fear and paranoia, he requests me to ride along on his planet with him. Then I am at an interesting place! "What to do!?" I am struggling to find balance between compassion and detachment. I do not want to participate in a way that reinforces his illusions, but I want to be respectful of him.
A perfect example happened the other day. The battery went dead in the car. We were at a grocery store parking lot. No problem! A stranger offered us a jump start before his friends even arrived (who were coming to jump us off and meet with us) In my mind, all was well. We were going on a bit of a long drive, the car would recharge and no matter where we went, we would always be close to folks who would have the means and (probably) inclination to help us. He went into a different mode all together. He wouldn't allow the air conditioning to be on. He didn't want to stop the car at the pull overs where we paused to regard the mountain view (beautiful!) His concern did not end! Meanwhile, I decided to honor his request of no A/C and I didn't turn the engine off until we stopped for the bathroom, perhaps an hour into the trip. (He was not pleased). Although I had a different opinion about all of that, his fears were real to him.
At a certain point, however, I was not willing to continue making concessions. He got mad at me. When we talked about it later, he shared that he was afraid because he had been a hippy with long hair, stranded in the dark with a dead car and worried about the red necks who might want to hurt him. That was based on an experience he had back in the early 70's.
I asked him if he wanted to get rid of that phobia or keep it? He was able to look at it some, more than he had been able to before. He was not ready to give up the beliefs, he was still attached to the fear, and the suffering it caused him was easier to live with than facing the fears. I can surely relate to that.
An interesting situation for me. And this type of thing often arises between people. I suspect we don't have clear awareness of it most of the time. This situation was such that it was easily revealed. And his beliefs projected onto the situation shone light on my own mind, revealing the impediments and supports to choosing compassion in a new context.
And I think it goes back to the other point. About our suffering!? And at how much are we ready to look and release? Even understanding that these concerns are propped up by that tyrant, the mind, most of them got there for good reason. However, times have changed and the beliefs may be out-dated.
Maybe we grew up, got a hair cut and a better car. Maybe it is broad daylight and we are surrounded by kind people. Does this make us ready to release the idea that saved our ass from base ball bat wielding drunks on the road outside a small town? Through the grace of God, we look around and notice the sun shining and realize the jumper cables are in the back of the car and there is friend beside us on this Sunday afternoon.
Through the grace of God, we blink and open our eyes in the present. Perhaps we feel the sweat of fear chilled across our brow as we wake up to a new and different moment. Maybe this is the moment to actually feel the terror that was more than we could handle three decades ago when our mind folded up a belief, sealed it into an envelope addressed it to the future. Maybe we feel safe enough to suffer right now and let it forever go.... Perhaps the terror is still more than we imagine ourselves able to handle.
Meanwhile, there are these amazing opportunities to practice compassion with ourselves and with others. It helps to remember that we are not so different from one another. While a situation is as it is, it is still perceived and experienced through as many different filters as there are people who view it. Remember the group of blindfolded gurus around the elephant?
I can usually peel away yet one more layer of thought through which I perceive a situation. No matter how clearly I see it, there is seemingly always another degree of clarity available. Often, suffering comes when I convince myself that I have gotten to the Truth of a thing. Suffering releases when I surrender and go deeper. Layers of fiction make up this world. Some are rather useful still.
We are all in this together, but we each have to be in it for ourselves. And as unique as we are, we are much the same. There is suffering. There is a cause of it, and we can actually do something about it! We can transcend suffering.
2. There is a cause for suffering. (attachment, avidya...)
3. There is a way out of suffering.
4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering.
Four noble truths. I find modern day spiritual stuff and lofty interpretations of yogic concepts like vairagya (dispassion) seem to downplay, ignore, villainize the human experience of suffering. Lovely beliefs around everything being perfect and all that seem to cut the head off of the human experience of pain, living with mind that does what it does.... as well as seeing things correctly, it misperceives, it fantasizes, it has memory and it sleeps. That can lead to some painful moments. (Non-painful ones, too) Even if everything is perfectly as it is, there can be great suffering! Perfection or unfolding or moments that unwind to bring you to here and now don't negate that!
Sometimes things suck. To be honest and awake in the process of the suffering, to me, is holy work. Be present to the suffering, not wallowing in the stories that perpetuate it; but, go deeper and deeper into the root causes of it, until we have gone far enough for the time, to dwell there until ready to go deeper... Whatever the case, here we are, and of how much each day are we actually aware and present to where we really are?
Navigating the illusions we and others create with thought is challenging. But, I do know how much I believe to be true the world I have created with them. I am attached to the world I create and I can no easier relent the belief that makes it than I can stop breathing. Like, I am attached to the belief that I need to sleep, eat and get sunshine. That is some of the way I am still identified with body. I am not ready to give that up. I am certainly going to breathe, eat and sleep until I am! And no one else can do it for me! No one can treat me a specific way, tell me a profound concept or do it so perfectly themselves that I am absolved from the need to do it myself! If someone explains that I am not the body and do not need to eat, their explanation better be loaded with calories! Being enlightened or awake doesn't mean thoughts and beliefs stop "doing" what they do.
I am navigating other people's head of ideas and views of things all the time. Sometimes I am sitting in the same car with one particular friend riding around on totally different planets. Sometimes, due to his stories that include fear and paranoia, he requests me to ride along on his planet with him. Then I am at an interesting place! "What to do!?" I am struggling to find balance between compassion and detachment. I do not want to participate in a way that reinforces his illusions, but I want to be respectful of him.
A perfect example happened the other day. The battery went dead in the car. We were at a grocery store parking lot. No problem! A stranger offered us a jump start before his friends even arrived (who were coming to jump us off and meet with us) In my mind, all was well. We were going on a bit of a long drive, the car would recharge and no matter where we went, we would always be close to folks who would have the means and (probably) inclination to help us. He went into a different mode all together. He wouldn't allow the air conditioning to be on. He didn't want to stop the car at the pull overs where we paused to regard the mountain view (beautiful!) His concern did not end! Meanwhile, I decided to honor his request of no A/C and I didn't turn the engine off until we stopped for the bathroom, perhaps an hour into the trip. (He was not pleased). Although I had a different opinion about all of that, his fears were real to him.
At a certain point, however, I was not willing to continue making concessions. He got mad at me. When we talked about it later, he shared that he was afraid because he had been a hippy with long hair, stranded in the dark with a dead car and worried about the red necks who might want to hurt him. That was based on an experience he had back in the early 70's.
I asked him if he wanted to get rid of that phobia or keep it? He was able to look at it some, more than he had been able to before. He was not ready to give up the beliefs, he was still attached to the fear, and the suffering it caused him was easier to live with than facing the fears. I can surely relate to that.
An interesting situation for me. And this type of thing often arises between people. I suspect we don't have clear awareness of it most of the time. This situation was such that it was easily revealed. And his beliefs projected onto the situation shone light on my own mind, revealing the impediments and supports to choosing compassion in a new context.
And I think it goes back to the other point. About our suffering!? And at how much are we ready to look and release? Even understanding that these concerns are propped up by that tyrant, the mind, most of them got there for good reason. However, times have changed and the beliefs may be out-dated.
Maybe we grew up, got a hair cut and a better car. Maybe it is broad daylight and we are surrounded by kind people. Does this make us ready to release the idea that saved our ass from base ball bat wielding drunks on the road outside a small town? Through the grace of God, we look around and notice the sun shining and realize the jumper cables are in the back of the car and there is friend beside us on this Sunday afternoon.
Through the grace of God, we blink and open our eyes in the present. Perhaps we feel the sweat of fear chilled across our brow as we wake up to a new and different moment. Maybe this is the moment to actually feel the terror that was more than we could handle three decades ago when our mind folded up a belief, sealed it into an envelope addressed it to the future. Maybe we feel safe enough to suffer right now and let it forever go.... Perhaps the terror is still more than we imagine ourselves able to handle.
Meanwhile, there are these amazing opportunities to practice compassion with ourselves and with others. It helps to remember that we are not so different from one another. While a situation is as it is, it is still perceived and experienced through as many different filters as there are people who view it. Remember the group of blindfolded gurus around the elephant?
I can usually peel away yet one more layer of thought through which I perceive a situation. No matter how clearly I see it, there is seemingly always another degree of clarity available. Often, suffering comes when I convince myself that I have gotten to the Truth of a thing. Suffering releases when I surrender and go deeper. Layers of fiction make up this world. Some are rather useful still.
We are all in this together, but we each have to be in it for ourselves. And as unique as we are, we are much the same. There is suffering. There is a cause of it, and we can actually do something about it! We can transcend suffering.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Paradox of Becoming
When we think a thing is too difficult, we think it into being difficult. It is the thoughts about it which cover up the reality of it, whatever it is.
Right now, this very moment, fall into the back of the head, out of the ideas and story, away from the senses, move into That... and notice that everything is.... as it is. However it is, it is perfect. Only our thoughts about it make it illusion. Leave the thoughts, they can continue, but leave them. Move away into the great expanse of who you are, into the moment.
This is your innocence. When you sit in the ecstasy of allowing it all to be as it is. This is your freedom. This is the dance. This is the death. Die to the story of how everything should be. Take a radical chance and simply accept whatever is the way it is.
Do this with the suffering. Be honest about the suffering. Suffer without the story about suffering. Just feel that ache in the belly or that hollow cave in the heart or that knot in the throat. Feel it like it is the only thing in the entire universe. Feel it for what and how it is without the words and forms that compromise the totality of it.
Do it and then fall back into the back of the head and watch the whole process.
Do this for the movement in the knees when the dancing takes you into its arms. Allow it to be what it is, even if you trip and fall on your face, or if you leap with a grace greater than the tides into the air. It is all the same because it is what it is and then it isn't anymore. Without the thought of it to attach and to solidify it, it is and then it isn't anymore. And if you can't be just totally present to it as it is when it is, you will never get to be real in just that way ever again.
This is why we die. So we can be alive for that unique moment that will never be the same ever again. And every single moment is exactly the same that way. This is one of the great paradoxes that can freak out the mind. We are all One. There is only One. And yet, you are a unique expression of That. Unity and uniqueness. And if you don't ignore the story and bullshit the mind is constantly trying to feed you about everything, if you jump into that story, you will miss the opportunity to experience the True expression of Who you are in this moment. There is only one moment. This is it. And then it is gone.
This is the chance to create. By just being fully present to what is. It is the only way to create. This is why you get lost in time when you create a song on the flute. SOOOOOOO totally present to the moment even as that moment slips away into the next, ever changing and informing and surrendering to the unfolding of the unique way you alone in that moment witness the One.
If you get caught up in trying to create or in dictating the way the creation is supposed to be, you are just masturbating and missing the entire opportunity to actually create. You are spilling the seed on a barren canvas. Create by surrendering any idea you have to actual construction of what is happening. What is really happening. Then you are making love. You are joining form and name. You are witnessing the Big Bang, over and over again. It never has to stop. Give up every bit of who you think you are in order to be Who you really are and that is the unending orgasm. And it never feels the same way twice, but it never changes the way that it feels. Paradox.
Use the paradox to short circuit the brain. Then, sink your teeth into the surrender. This is dying. This is the only way to be alive. Anything else is a fiction. Some fiction is necessary. Some fiction is useful. You can always reach for the fiction, But get to the place where you are doing the reaching for it from that place of NOW, instead of drowning in the fiction thinking that what is actually REAL couldn't possibly exist. We have to flip things over, change things to put them in a proper perspective. And all the story of who you think you are might resist this.
Do it anyway. Get a taste for it and you'll never want to stop.
Then you own the fiction. You build the shelf where you can keep all those stories. You can reach for them anytime you need to. But that way, you, from that place of non-identity and surrender, are in charge.
Don't try to stop the thoughts. That is crazy and not possible. Instead, ignore the thoughts and die anyway....
Right now, this very moment, fall into the back of the head, out of the ideas and story, away from the senses, move into That... and notice that everything is.... as it is. However it is, it is perfect. Only our thoughts about it make it illusion. Leave the thoughts, they can continue, but leave them. Move away into the great expanse of who you are, into the moment.
This is your innocence. When you sit in the ecstasy of allowing it all to be as it is. This is your freedom. This is the dance. This is the death. Die to the story of how everything should be. Take a radical chance and simply accept whatever is the way it is.
Do this with the suffering. Be honest about the suffering. Suffer without the story about suffering. Just feel that ache in the belly or that hollow cave in the heart or that knot in the throat. Feel it like it is the only thing in the entire universe. Feel it for what and how it is without the words and forms that compromise the totality of it.
Do it and then fall back into the back of the head and watch the whole process.
Do this for the movement in the knees when the dancing takes you into its arms. Allow it to be what it is, even if you trip and fall on your face, or if you leap with a grace greater than the tides into the air. It is all the same because it is what it is and then it isn't anymore. Without the thought of it to attach and to solidify it, it is and then it isn't anymore. And if you can't be just totally present to it as it is when it is, you will never get to be real in just that way ever again.
This is why we die. So we can be alive for that unique moment that will never be the same ever again. And every single moment is exactly the same that way. This is one of the great paradoxes that can freak out the mind. We are all One. There is only One. And yet, you are a unique expression of That. Unity and uniqueness. And if you don't ignore the story and bullshit the mind is constantly trying to feed you about everything, if you jump into that story, you will miss the opportunity to experience the True expression of Who you are in this moment. There is only one moment. This is it. And then it is gone.
This is the chance to create. By just being fully present to what is. It is the only way to create. This is why you get lost in time when you create a song on the flute. SOOOOOOO totally present to the moment even as that moment slips away into the next, ever changing and informing and surrendering to the unfolding of the unique way you alone in that moment witness the One.
If you get caught up in trying to create or in dictating the way the creation is supposed to be, you are just masturbating and missing the entire opportunity to actually create. You are spilling the seed on a barren canvas. Create by surrendering any idea you have to actual construction of what is happening. What is really happening. Then you are making love. You are joining form and name. You are witnessing the Big Bang, over and over again. It never has to stop. Give up every bit of who you think you are in order to be Who you really are and that is the unending orgasm. And it never feels the same way twice, but it never changes the way that it feels. Paradox.
Use the paradox to short circuit the brain. Then, sink your teeth into the surrender. This is dying. This is the only way to be alive. Anything else is a fiction. Some fiction is necessary. Some fiction is useful. You can always reach for the fiction, But get to the place where you are doing the reaching for it from that place of NOW, instead of drowning in the fiction thinking that what is actually REAL couldn't possibly exist. We have to flip things over, change things to put them in a proper perspective. And all the story of who you think you are might resist this.
Do it anyway. Get a taste for it and you'll never want to stop.
Then you own the fiction. You build the shelf where you can keep all those stories. You can reach for them anytime you need to. But that way, you, from that place of non-identity and surrender, are in charge.
Don't try to stop the thoughts. That is crazy and not possible. Instead, ignore the thoughts and die anyway....
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